marklecounseling.com - Relationship Anxiety

Therapy for Relationship Anxiety, Overthinking,

and Emotional Insecurity

If you’re struggling with a partner, spouse, or family member, I am here to help you change the unhealthy dynamics. We will work together to recognize relationship patterns, identify sources of tension, and gain insights to move your toward more satisfying relationships. Therapy can really make a difference in learning appropriate boundaries, understanding how your feelings of guilt, anger or shame keep you stuck, and improving your emotional health.

What Is Relationship Anxiety? And, How Do I Know If I Have it?

There are many ways that anxiety can show up and it often impacts the areas of your life that is the most important to you. When you worry out of proportion to a situation it is referred to as anxiety. For many people, relationships are a significant source of their worry. When your relationships are out of sync, tense, or lacking connection it causes you to feel upset and anxious. You are designed for connection, and when connection is absent, your attachment system is activated and sends signals that there is a threat to your safety - similar to other perceived threats.

Common signs of relationship anxiety include:

Overthinking texts or tone
Replaying conversations in your mind
Difficulty trusting others
Fear or avoidance of conflict
Feeling anxious when communication changes
Needing constant validation and reassurance
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Struggling to trust your feelings
Feeling overwhelmed in relationships

Relationship anxiety can feel exhausting

Relationships require effort and can sometimes be difficult, but ideally they are a much greater source of joy in your life than stress. When you experience anxiety as a result of your relationships, the effort you put into them is draining and leaves you feeling tired and lonely. Walking on eggshells, being hyperaware to keep the peace, and carrying the emotional load for your relationships take significant energy. Other factors that make relationships exhausting include:

Nervous system activation
Attachment wounds
Emotional uncertainty
Self-doubt
Constant damage control and repair

Anxiety in relationships often has deeper roots

Relationship anxiety has many possible causes but one of the most influential factors in how you relate to others was determined by your primary caregivers when you were young. Since birth you received explicit and implict messages about yourself and the world that shape your expectations and teach you how to relate to others. These messages are often subtle and become "unspoken rules" in your family that you might not identify as problematic. Relationship anxiety can be rooted in:

Emotionally immature parents
Inconsistent caregiving
Past relationships
Attachment patterns
Fear of abandonment
People pleasing

Can I Work On My Relationship If My Family Member Won't Attend Therapy with Me?

When you experience strained relationships with people who are important to you, it is normal to feel anxious and uneasy. Whether it is your partner, spouse, or adult child, these tensions can negatively affect your emotional well-being. While family therapy or couple’s therapy can be quite helpful, it is not always an option if the other members of the relationship are not willing to participate.

As a therapist, I use a family systems model. In a system, when one person in a family changes, the whole dynamic shifts. This means that individual therapy can be impactful, even if your loved ones are not participating.

I Can't Find A Partner, Is Something Wrong With Me?

If you are single and wishing for a life partner, but have not found one yet, it can be discouraging. This anxiety can be amplified by the pressures of aging, limited access to other singles, and the overwhelming experience of online dating. If you have had a series of relationships that did not work out or have never been in a serious relationship, you might wonder if there is something about you holding you back. Therapy can be very helpful in identifying barriers to having the relationship you desire.

I will help you explore patterns in your relationships and help you gain confidence in yourself and your future. Together, we can work to untangle the feelings of self-doubt or worry surrounding your relationships, and I will guide you in building the confidence to engage with others in healthy, fulfilling ways.

I function well in all other areas of my life, why are relationships so difficult for me?

You work hard and are successful in most areas of your life. When something is not going well you make a plan and find a solution. You are willing to do what it takes to get the job done and rarely ask for help from others. You are reliable and dependable often anticipating what others need before they have a chance to ask. You sacrifice and give generously but it is not reciprocated - something is missing in your relationships. At some point you begin to feel that you only matter to people for what you can do for them.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents tend to be hyper-independent and "over-function" in life. If you were raised in a family where your caregiver was unavailable, pre-occupied with their own issues, or put their needs above yours, you likely grew up filling roles meant for adults. You learned at a young age to "parent" yourself and to take care of your own needs. As an adult, these skills are highly valued in the corporate setting and you may get praise reinforcing your perfectionism. Despite your successes, you may feel insecure in your relationships. It was not safe to express emotions in your family, and now you excel at dismissing what you feel. You learned to be accepted by pleasing others - making your own wants and needs irrelevant. If this describes you, you are not broken. This is a natural, human response to lack of attunement by caregivers. Therapy can help you have the relationships you desire and feel more secure and connected to the important people in your life.

Is virtual therapy available for relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety responds well to therapy both in person and online. Therapy is available in person in Carmel, Indiana and convenient, online therapy is available in all PSYPACT states.

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