One of the reasons I love working with millennials is that I am always impressed by how much they have accomplished at such a young age. They have been raised to prepare for the future and they were taught from a young age to help others. Millennials are team players - with their first team experience typically running aimlessly around a soccer field when they were 3 or 4 years old. (Yes, they did all get participation trophies, and I was definitely that mom who made sure that there were always snacks after the game.) Gen X parents made sure that our children were socializing well and we scheduled their play dates - which had to be sandwiched between music lessons, camps, and vacations. Millennials grew up in the back of minivans with DVD players to entertain them on the way to Target. Their lives were organized and they benefited from the involvement of their doting parents who made sure that they had early bedtimes, avoided red dyes, and "explained" to them why they were in trouble. Gen X raised good kids! And yet, despite being provided everything they would need to succeed, life is not easier for them.
Now, it is easy to ask "How it is possible that Millennials have any problems at all?" And, it is easy to make the short leap that they must have had it too easy and never learned how to persevere through tough times like their Gen X parents and the generations before them. Our upbringing could not have been more different. Our breakfast (if he had one) was Pop-Tarts or Fruit Loops. We had very little structure and lots of freedom. Growing up in the 80's, you could head out on your bike and go anywhere as long as you were "home before dark." Think Stranger Things. Did you ever wonder how those kids' parents were so clueless about where they were and what they were doing??? Yep, that was the childhood of Gen X. We were latchkey kids who raised ourselves - and because we did not want our kids to do the same stupid things that we did, we gave them a different experience. Our perfect children...now anxious and in therapy. Where did we go wrong?
I want to take this time to re-emphasize - I love working with Millennials. And, I challenge the notion that they are anything other than resilient. For anyone who thinks otherwise, a quick reminder that the world they know has never been safe. They have never attended school without the risk of school shootings, they do not know a world without terrorism on US soil, and they were raised with every catastrophe immediately in their awareness via the internet. Mental health was incorporated into their education and they paid attention to the efforts of teachers and guidance counselors who taught emotional intelligence (AKA being more self aware and in touch with your feelings) as a regular part of the curriculum.
We did not make a mistake by supporting, encouraging, and being involved in the young lives of Millennials. Where we might have misguided them, however, was telling them that by being perfect they will be successful and happy. That their achievements will be enough. That they should always position themselves for the next milestone - Get A's, join the National Honor Society, Take AP classes, get into a good college, get the best internship, graduate summa cum laude, land the prestigious first job...and after that, what is left? What do you do after you accomplish everything before you turn 30? Thus the phenomenon of the quarter-life crisis. Young adults who have accomplished everything set out for them are now questioning, "what next?" "Is there more?" "What was the point of all of that work?" In essence, "What comes after perfect?"
So, to the Millennials, if you are feeling anxious, insecure, in a funk or less than satisfied with your life - even though outwardly you "have it all," I want to assure you that you have every reason to feel that way and that you are not the only one. There is more to life than reaching the next goal. You are enough regardless of what you accomplish. It is okay to slow down, enjoy the ride. You don't have to have it all figured out, and therapy is the perfect place to sort through these existential questions. Your experiences are different from those of your parents and the generations before you. There is no way for them to understand the pressures of growing and developing in the age of technology in a climate with tremendous sociopolitical unrest. You are finding your own way, and one day you will be raising the next generation using your experiences to best guide you. To the critics, take note of the Millennials and learn from their willingness to ask difficult questions, and to make the most of their experiences to be better people in a better world.